Moving on from Betrayal

I got asked one time why I blog, especially  since it seems to be intermittent. This is where I can release thoughts. I hope that maybe it will help someone else. The pain can be real, almost too much to wake up to every day, but it gets better until the next surprise.

I may be a Mistress, but I truly believe in monogamy. I would never do anything without my partner’s 100% approval. If he was to say that this is over right now, done. If he even hinted that these actions were making him uncomfortable I wouldn’t hesitate. The only way this works is through honesty. The following applies to my opinions of monogamy in dating and marriage. I believe paying a Mistress to be their sub is cheating. I believe sending gift cards of money saying your sorry in the message line is cheating. Especially if you don’t do that with your spouse because you are never wrong. I believe not being honest doesn’t give the spouse any chance to go along with the fantasy. You wanted to leave them out until caught. I believe that if you are so desperate to pay people to humiliate you, but can’t share your money it is cheating. I believe when you cum from another person without your spouse present or even knowing, you have cheated. Notice all of this has to do with honesty. Most spouses are willing to explore with you. If they aren’t then you need to decide which is more important. I would rather be told that my partner can’t live without something and even the participation is not enough. That they still need the other so I can make an informed decision. I won’t say what that would be.

The problem with betrayal is that the whole story is never told. If the betrayed is pissed and the betrayer is backed in a corner, then the whole story never comes out. Hey, I started feeling this way back….. I then acted on it because…. I couldn’t stop because I didn’t  respect you at the time and told myself that this was not cheating because I still came home and we fucked occasionally. Even though you were sleeping in the same room this happened and you were trying to do a lot, I didn’t care and needed this. Even though you have NEVER turned me down to fuck and are insatiable. You can still be a bitch and that made it ok. Or whatever lies they tell themselves.

The betrayed never knows what to fix. Which is ironic because the betrayed did nothing wrong. Nothing that could bot have been fixed with the truth. What makes now different then the past? Is it because of the addition of outside subs? What if I get done with that? Will you not want it? If paying is it, why do I have to ask for taxes? I have seen many a payment 2 or 3 or more times in one day? Then the spiral. The problem is the betrayed always thinks it was their fault. It wasn’t, but if they try to stick it out without the full disclosure by the betrayer it will always be a slowly healing wound. And if the betrayed truly loves the betrayer, they will not only drive themselves crazy trying to be everything but trying to figure out how to prevent a relapse. The truth will never be known and one of two things will happen; it will fix itself or the times apart will never be ok because they will always be expecting a shoe to drop.

As you come across this blog, here is the moral to my story. If you truly love someone, tell them everything. Don’t hide it and cheat or break their trust. Coming back from betrayal is a longer process then anyone thinks. It would be great if it was just a quick rip of bandaid but not being completely honest and following the advice listed makes it a slow healing wound.  So tell them. I like this fetish. I fucked up and here is how I got into, here is what happened and how long it went on, I do or do not think I can be faithful in the future. I do or do not think your participation will continue to keep me out of this fetish. The other person has a responsibility too. This makes me feel ….. I can or cannot participate, condone, or understand. I can or cannot be with you.  The best way is to be upfront the second you feel moving in a non trustworthy direction. If you were truly not wanting to hurt their feelings and stay with them then you would and will never do it.  You have to be patient with the betrayed. If you don’t follow the advice above, then there will be little things that always come to light, like how much was actually spent and how it was during important parts of your life, like the day before and right after and on your anniversary or SO’s birthday. Which hurts even more because that betrayal took more effort than what you spent on the celebration of your lives together.

Forgiving is easy. Forgetting is the knife slowly coming out of your heart. It takes lots of time, which can be shortened by 100% honesty.

 

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